Week 2/2015 – Freedom of Speech #jesuischarlie

This week the headlines have been griped by the terrible attack on the Charlie Hebdo Magazine in Paris – an atrocity which, followed by a wave of other attacks, was done simply because of the human right to express yourself in a free society. I decided to write this week’s blog on this subject as I feel we all have the right to freedom of speech and no one should be punish for this.

As I writer I use words to express what I feel and see, what is in my head and in my heart. When I write, I always think twice about what I want to say or mention and the art of editing your work is very important to make sure you are happy with what you publish.  I have several times thought twice about publishing something, mainly because I think of the consequences and what it may lead onto, and if I don’t publish something is not because I am scared to, but because I don’t feel it’s important enough to do it and the adverse effects are greater than the rewards of the piece.

The events this week in Paris shows the consequences of what can happen when people exercise their human right of expressing their views, especially with a controversial publication such as Charlie Hebdo; you can upset people. But that basic right to freedom of speech in our societies should not be oppressed by anyone and there is no logical explanation for any individuals to take another’s persons lives for expressing what they think. The publishers, writers and cartoonist at the Charlie Hebdo Magazine believed in what they did; they believed that through their art and satire they were expressing the views and opinions of many, particularly those who subscribed to their publication. The barbarian act of terrorism that took place should not be allowed and we need to demonstrate to the world that people can still express themselves freely without fear of being intimidated or harmed by those who cannot accept criticism and opinions of others.

And if we bring this closer to our lives, we don’t need to be writers or cartoonist in a controversial publication to be the victims of oppression in our lives. We are all subject to people’s radical mentalities and when we attempt to express ourselves freely with an opposing view or argument, we may find holding back for fear of retaliation. Or if we do speak our minds, we may become the victims of an attack. Let me share with you some examples that may illustrate what I mean:

If you have a relationship with someone who has a particularly stronger character than yours it becomes harder to express your opinion or ideas without them pushing their views onto you or getting upset at the thought or suggestion of something they don’t agree with.  Or it may be the opposite, you are the dominant side and no one dares to say anything in front of you because you fly off the handle! Here we have killed freedom of speech; people are frightened to express what they think because of the way someone may react.

How often do we hold back our views and opinions in a conversation to avoid offending someone? Or we don’t hold back and then pay the consequences? I understand there is a place and a time for everything and there is no room for offensive remarks or racist/sexist comments, but there are so many controversial and taboo subjects we don’t talk about just because people can react wrongly, so we avoid them. If we genuinely have an opinion about something, we should have the right to express this opinion. People don’t have to like it or agree, but it is our opinion and we should be able to share it. And when we hold back on those views or opinions it may be because we feel it’s not worth it and we drop the subject. However if you feel passionate about something, you should be able to speak freely without fear of how someone may react.

I may not be the most controversial writer in the world and often my work is expressing feelings and ideas that don’t offend people. I sometimes write scripts that are thought provoking and blogs that may make you think, I try to be politically correct and aware of what I say. But no one, no matter how controversial it may be, should ever be stopped from expressing what he or she believes because someone feels they have the power to silence you. If someone disagrees with something someone said, or they feel they have offended them, as rational human beings we have the power that animals don’t have; “choice”! You have two choices, you can choose to ignore their views and move on or you can choose to talk to them and debate the subject allowing both of you to express yourselves in a civilised manner. Debate is not about reaching agreement; it’s about allowing people that basic right to be heard, the right to freedom of speech.

I want to live in a world where we can all have freedom, and not just physical freedom, but be free to think and express ourselves. If I were not allowed to put on paper my thoughts and feelings, my head would explode!

Week Forty-eight – What’s your preference?

Everything we do in life is a preference, and we can adapt, change and enjoy someone else’s preferences.

Do you like Coffee or Tea? Fish or meat? Winter or summer? Have you ever sat through a film you don’t enjoy? Have you ever been somewhere is not your choice? Our lives are all about choices and those choices are made based on our preferences. But the great thing about preferences is that we can change them or adapt to have a better life.

This week I had the opportunity to take a group of people through an activating involving understanding yourself and others through preferences. I hadn’t facilitated this subject for a long time and talking about it again this week has made me think about the importance it has in our lives.

Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a tool used by many to understand your preferences and how you operate within a frame of these preferences. It is an excellent tool that helps people understand their preferences and how these affect they way the live, work and interact with others. There are no right or wrong types and it allows you to take a look at yourself and understand how much these influence your life and those around you.

But what is a preference? Often people get confused when you do this activity, as we all like to be seen in a certain way. In other words, we adapt or change our preference just to please someone, survive in our jobs or get by in our day-to-day lives. But when you do Myers Briggs the only way to find out what your preferences are is by being true to yourself, what I call true to your Myers Briggs type. And these preferences explored in MBTI are very different to each an every one of us but often we share commonalities with others.

Let me give you an example of what a preference is. Take your arms and fold them, as if you are waiting for the bus to come. Go ahead; do it. What arm do you have on top? The right or the left? Now try to fold your arms again but this time put the other arm on top… I bet if you are doing this right now you are struggling! Have you every worn your watch on the other hand? If you have it, go ahead and swap it and you will feel how heavy it is! It hasn’t suddenly become heavier, it is just simply that you are not used to wear it on that side and it feels awkward. If you leave it long enough you will soon forget it is there, until someone asks you the time! Because you will look at your preferred hand.

These preferences become our habits, the way we like to do things. And the moment something does not fit our frame of work, our preference, it throws us off. As I was walking the participants through some of the explanations on the differences between each preference, some of them became more and more confused. “I like both” some times people say when doing this exercise. And they are quite right to say so; in many instances people have not clear preferences for certain things. You can go all your life liking both tea and coffee equally, with no clear preference for either of them.

So why is this so important and why should you care about your preferences? Self-awareness of your preferences is a gateway to your success both in your private as well as your professional life. Take your work for instance, your preferences, they way you operate; these have a massive impact in how much you really enjoy what you do. You tend to find jobs and professions that match they way you like to live your life, and when you don’t, you have to adapt to get the job done. This does not mean you can’t work in any job, of course you can, but your preferences will determine how easy or hard performing your job will be. If you are someone who prefers talking things through before you action them, you need to work in an environment that allows you to interact with people so you are able to share your ideas. If on the other hand you prefer to think things though by yourself before you talk to anyone else, you defiantly need to be in a job where individuality is an integral part of the work environment.

But the good news is that you can always learn! Yes the great thing about this theory is that we can all drink tea and coffee (unless you have a particular allergy!) we just need to get used to the taste, and when there is nothing else, you learn to like it!

Tolerance plays a great part here too. If you live with someone whose presences seem to be opposite to yours, if you really want to stay around, you need to adapt, you may need to move away from your preferred comfort zone and join the other person. This takes a great deal of effort and sacrifice but brings high levels of satisfaction and harmony with those around us. It is a game of give and take and we all expect that if we need to change to maintain harmony in our relationships, others we also need to be encouraged from time to time to do the same!

For me talking about it this week has reminded me how important it is to be tolerant of other people’s preferences and make an effort with those around us, both at work and at home, to ensure we bring a balance to the way we live our lives.

Take a moment to explore how you deal with this, what is your reaction when you are asked to do something you are not comfortable with? When you have to do an activity you would never chose? Or how about when you have imposed on others how you like to do things? Life is about choices, and those choices are determined by our preferences, sometimes you will have to make choices that may not fit around your frame of mind, but will help you flourish that relationship which is so important to your success and a happy life.

Week Thirty-one – Family and Friends!

My father use to say, “In life you can choose your friends but not your family” and he was right, but both are equally important in our lives.

There is nothing worst than a terrible silence or long pauses when you are desperately trying to make polite conversation with someone you have very little in common. Or those moments of awkward time together with someone you know but really share hardly any emotional attachments. We all have been there, and we all have experience this even with people we have known for a long time. Some people say there is no chemistry if you don’t “hit it off” with someone, some times that special “bond” may not exist, but whatever it is, it is clear that there are some people we would rather not see very often unless we have to!

On the other hand, one of the greatest feelings in this world is when you can sit with someone and just talk for hours and feel good about it. Those times when you can just sit there a talk, feel that you are being listened to and it just feels natural being there. There are no awkward moments, and slices are always a pause to reflect on what has been said and continue with the conversation. And at no point you feel that time is ticking in the background, in fact, often you run out of time, because you have so much more to say. Those are special moments we all have shared with people we know and have in our lives.

This week I have remembered the importance of Friends and Family, and not that I had forgotten about it, but sometimes we take things for granted and become blasé about people in our lives. You may have heard the expression that says “You don’t know what you have until you lose it” which is often associated with someone breaking up from a relationship realising that what they had was good. Or sometime when someone close to us has passed away, and we then realised how important he/she was in our lives. Far too often we wait until the end to realise that what we had was good, and this is because we don’t always remember to focus on those around us.

But let me share with you, as always, two experiences this week that showed me how vital friends and family are in our lives. Let’s start with friendship which is so key to humans and part of our every day lives.

When I first joined Face book back in 2007 I was exited to know that the world had created a space where I was able to re-connect with people I had met in various stages of my life. I began to connect with so many people I knew and enjoyed their company. I know people are very cautious about Face book and the use of it, and I agree that social media has become very dangerous, but to me is just as dangerous as what you say in your local pub, there is always someone listening or sharing this information, so you only tell people what you want them to know! Nevertheless for me this was a great vehicle to re-kindle with so many friends. However, virtual social networking is hard work, and you have to constantly be there to keep up with all that is happening and remain in touch with people. So I guess this is no different to what it was like before we had Face book, the only difference is that now you can communicate with so many people across the world instead of just a few in your local pub! This fact alone make social networking on the Internet a great place to be and the added advantage is that nowadays you don’t need to be in the same pub to be able to keep those relationships going.

We have always known that it’s hard work to keep up with friends and this may be due to the fact that not everyone you know may be one of those individuals you have “chemistry” with, or a more deep meaningful relationship that goes beyond a drink and a packet of crisps on a Friday evening. And you don’t need to see those special friends every day to know he/she is a great friend. What made me realise this is when I met my long-standing friend, Charlotte More, after more then 3 years of just communicating through virtual social networking. We sat in Starbucks drinking a coffee and picking up from where we left last time we saw each other, as if time had not passed by. It is a great feeling and one hard to describe, but even after all this time we had so much to talk and in fact ran out of time. We said goodbye not knowing when will it be the next time we see each other but our friendship is so strong and so important that it doesn’t matter how far we are, or how often we see each other, there will always be room for a coffee and a great chat in Starbucks!

As Charlie and I said goodbye and I reflected on this, I realised that moments like this remind me that friendship is more than just having the person near you, is about sharing emotions and experiences that makes that bond, that chemistry, that special something that every time you meet you can spend hours just catching up and enjoying each other’s company.

So what about Family? The picture I have shared with you all in this blog has, of course my friend Charlie, but also my family. My father said you can’t choose your family, and he was right to some extend, but whom you marry and have your own family with is your choice! In my case I chose to marry an incredible woman who turns out to be also a great friend! And my children are a product of that loving bond between us, so I guess I chose my family and very happy to have them in my life! And I realised how important they are in my life when this week I found myself alone in my house as they left for their summer vacation in Spain. And what has really brought home the importance of family is that being alone in the house reminds me how empty my life is without them! Yes we all enjoy peace and quite from time to time, but when you find yourself wondering around not hearing the shouting and fighting and noises they make, you realise how important those noises are in your life! This experience helps me remember that I am who I am because of them, and this should never be taken for granted.

I guess we are who we are because of those around us, both friends and family, and that no matter how far or close they are, they form a vital part in our lives. So don’t wait to know what you have until you lose it, it may be too late to get it back.