Week Twenty- seven – skeletons in your closet!

If you’ve never heard this expression, it actually means that! If you keep skeletons in your closet they’ll find them!

This week the British press have been focusing on a horrific story of a well know public figure, Australian born comedian, artist and entertainer Rolf Harris who for years lived and appeared British television entertaining children and adults alike. He has been convicted with 12 counts for indecent assault on children and has been put in jail for 5 years and 9 months. As I sat and listen to the details narrated by reporters, I couldn’t help but feel different emotions as the story unfolded. Why different emotions? And what was I feeling? Well, first of all Rolf Harris is someone I grew up with since I came to live in Britain, a man who throughout his career focused on bringing happiness to children through his work. This left a chilling feeling inside me thinking how can someone go from being so sweet and kind to children to being literally a child molester, it’s something that doesn’t make sense, I can’t work it out in my mind. Then there is the thought that I’m also a father and it disturb me knowing that this could happen to my children; he was a figure we all trusted and believed as if he cared for kids through his work. As a parent you are always worried about the safety of your kids and keeping them away from this sort of people but when a story so shocking explodes in front of you in the news, leaves you feeling hopeless. I also felt anger, anger because he has got away with it for so long, and no matter what punishment you give him, he is an old man now and has lived his entire life free of guilt and punishment for what he did. And I also felt let down by the system as I heard in the news that he was prosecuted and punished according to the laws of the 1960’s 70’s because that’s when the crimes happened! Yes you are hearing (or rather reading) this correctly! And the sad thing is that the law was a lot linier back then, I guess we hadn’t understood how we should deal with these individuals 40 years ago!

All of those thoughts were going through my head as I watch the news, and every time I saw something about it, I could not help but feel all of these emotions time and time again. Interestingly enough, I also felt sorry for him… I guess I’m only human and cannot help having a balance in my view. Let me explain why I felt sad and sorry for the old man.

Rolf Harris up to now has denied the charges and accusations against him and showed no remorse for what he did, I’m not sure if he is just being cleaver or he genuinely believes he is not guilty. It is interesting to think that he can sit there listening to his victims and genuinely believe he did not cause them harm by sexually assaulting them all those year ago. I guess what makes me sad is that this is only a portion of his private life we now know, and if he doesn’t believe what he is hearing to be true and bad, what else has he done that may be wrong and will, I guarantee you, come out over the next few months and years to haunt him, tarnishing further his reputation and all the good work he did in his clean and almost perfect public life. I am not justifying what he’s done, not at all, on the contrary that’s why I am angry at the legal system that lets him be punished with outdated laws of the 60’s and receiving 5 years and 9 months imprisonment which means he will be out in a couple of years, but his behaviour does show that people sometimes are not conscious of what they do and believe that what they have done is right. You have to be, in my opinion, mentally ill to think that this is not wrong and in desperate need of help.

I decided to call my blog this week “skeletons in your closet “ as I think the biggest learning we can take form this story is that everything you do in your life, will eventually surface and haunt you until you die. Rolf Harris’ terrible actions against children have ruined a whole life of hard work and dedication to his art and sadly he will now be remembered only for his crime. How often have we seen this played out on famous people time and time again? Public figures idolise and respect by many suddenly find themselves being tarnished with an old fling with the wrong person when they were unknown, or accused by actions taken in a misguided youth, or some times crimes you committed and managed to keep under raps finally will catch you up and you will pay for what you did. I guess you don’t have to be famous for this to happen to any of us, although fame seems to bring this to a larger scale because your life belongs to the public who will pass judgement on you!

We all may have skeletons in our closets (big and small); at some point or another we may have done something we shouldn’t have even though it felt right, and we knew at that moment we may regret it one day. Specially when we are young, when we don’t realise that every action we take, every move we make, will reflect in our future and it doesn’t matter how much we think this will not come up at a later stage in our lives, it always does. There is always the possibility that it will come up; that when we least expect it, it will be there staring us in the face, as we regret that moment knowing we cannot change the past.  It may be too late for us to change things we have done in the past and all we can do is pray they will not come back to haunt us, but we can focus on not making the same mistakes we made back then, avoid doing things that one day will be on your doorstep. I want to guide and help my children minimise the mistakes they will make in their youth, and although I can only advice them and help them, they will make their own choices and make mistakes.

One final though on this story, and I have blogged about this before, you cannot judge a book by its cover, you think you know someone and you really don’t. I feel for Rolf Harris’ family who are also the victims of his crimes, they will have to live with his legacy, sadly the wrong one, for the rest of their lives.

Week Twenty-six – Halfway through!

This week I reach a milestone in my quest to write a weekly blog for a year and turn it into a book, and here we are, halfway through!

First of all, I want to thank you all for continually supporting me by reading my weekly blog, the great news is that we are halfway there! And without you I would not be here. So whether you have read all 26 blogs so far or only a few (even just one) you have contributed to my commitment and dream to push myself as a writer to produce 52 bite-sizes blogs with my experiences and views in life, which in turn may have, so far, given you inspiration and ideas on how to better live your life. All 52 blogs will then form part of a self-help book which will be entitled “A pack of cards, 52 ways to raise your game” a title inspired by my son who in a conversation about my book reminded me that there are 52 cards in a pack, the same number of weeks in a year and of blogs I will write. It’s amazing how and when inspiration comes to you and everything around you gives you an idea.

So to celebrate this milestone, I thought it would be a good idea to share with you one of my first writing pieces I wrote back in 2011 when I began to blog. It is entitled “A writer’s world – Everything is an idea!” and it is appropriate in the context of how I’ve come to be here today and how my son inspired the title of the book. So enjoy it, keep on reading and once again, thank you for your support, as long as someone out there reads, I will write!

A writer’s world – Everything is an idea!

When I was a young kid, my mother worried about me. Not because I was not good at school (which by the way I was terrible) or because I hanged around a bad circle of friends (which I didn’t) or because I was perhaps into drugs or drinking (which I was either) but she worried because I had a very vivid imagination… strange thing for a mother to worry about!

But as a parent, you always worry about your children and whether they are going to be socially awkward or outgoing. If you see your child at a party, standing in a corner, not talking to other children, you’d think there is something wrong with them and so we enroll them to attend a drama class to help them come out of their shell. I was one of those kids whose mother worried about being a social outcast (I know, hard to believe hey?). She also knew that I had a very vivid imagination and her love and passion for Theater inspired her to take me with her to do theatre. And I will thank her for the rest of my life as she gave me the greatest gift any mother could give to a child, the encouragement to do what I enjoy most, using my imagination.

I grew up as a child actor, working from the age of 10 in theatre (and no, it was not child labor and I was still going to school, which I hated!) and unlike most children my age; I was doing something that let my imagination run wild. Being in the theatre and playing different characters was just what my head needed; it helped me transport myself to different worlds. You could almost say that acting was child’s play; it was for me! I was not in the yard with other kids playing; I had my own playground and an audience who appreciated what I was doing.

Now at the age of 47, I work in Human Resources and in the past I’ve facilitated training, which is like acting. As a trainer, one of my opening lines to relax the participants and introduce myself is “I was a child actor, but I was a rubbish actor” People always look at me in astonishment that I call my self a rubbish actor, so I follow by saying “and do you know how I know I was a rubbish actor?” no one ever dares to answer but I’m sure many think of a few things to say. I wait and then proclaim, “Because I am not famous today!” That always gets a laugh, and then finish by saying “If I had been any good I would be in Hollywood and you would be watching my films!” There is some truth in that, me being a rubbish actor, but a major factor for not being famous today is the fact that I never worked hard at it (I was a lazy Actor). I did continue to fulfill my need to exercise my imagination as an actor working for an amateur group but I haven’t acted now for over 10years building up my frustration and locking up my imagination.

The other great gift my mother gave me was the passion for writing; she knew that another way to get all those ideas out of my head was to channel them through pen and paper. As a child I used to write stories, which never left the scrap piece of paper upon which I wrote them, but they were out of my head! As a teenager I used to write drafts of movies I used to conjure with my childhood friend, often taking center roles as the heroes and good looking leading actors, these where often action driven adventures inspired by blockbuster Hollywood movies we would watch. We used to create different characters and occasionally we were able to bring some of these to life at my father’s social parties, in short sketches, where he enjoyed showcasing his son, the actor. And all of the time I was exercising my passion to create stories and characters that live in my head and needed to come out!

And as a young adult I worked for a theater company down in Putney, south London, where I had the tremendous opportunity to put my vivid imagination to good use. Group 64 Theatre, as it was know back then, provided me with the platform to showcase some of my work; plays that I had written and nurtured for years like a farmer nurtures his crop until it grows and he is able to harvest and share with the world. Unfortunately, I left Group 64 to pursue a more mature career in Human Resources and forgot all about my world, the world of imagination and adventures, the world of acting and writing.

And then I was given the opportunity to take a new role in training for my company, a job that consisted in traveling a lot to deliver training across Europe. This new career would take me away every week discovering new places and new adventures. Little did I know that this job would be the starting point to re-kindle myself with my old passion and help me get my head clear from all those characters asking me to put them on paper again! Traveling took a lot of my time in the working week, and this new job was all work, from the moment I left home to the moment I got back, 24 hours a day. And at home, the weekends were not mine, but my family’s, it was full on, every minute of the day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

A year went on and I loved it, but there was something missing. I had a good balance, spending good quality time with the family and giving 110% at work, so what more did I need? And then it dawned on me; what was missing was what I would call from that moment on as “me time”

I was not doing anything for me; I was doing stuff for everyone else, but not for me. And I discovered I had around 10 hours traveling time, which was dead time. Most travelers use this “dead time” to read or watch a movie or listen to music, I also did at times but that wasn’t enough, I needed to do more, something that would fulfill that “me time”. In one of the trips I opened my personal laptop and looked at it. I didn’t want to watch a movie, listen to music or play solitaire. I didn’t want to do any work either. So what else could I do? And as I stared at the blank screen I had that eureka moment; Write! After all, laptops are the modern portable versions of typewriters! And I was off!

Since then I’ve written a array of work from full-length musicals, full-length plays, comedies, several short plays, a monolog and several episodes of sitcoms and movie scripts! These are all still just drafts except for the comedy, which the first 20 minutes of it was performed at the Soho Theatre in London for “the first 20 minutes” competition.

I’ve revived my passion for writing and everything I see is an idea I want to write about: a new play, or a book or a film, a blog. The more I look the more ideas I get and my travels keep on feeding these ideas. I see so many people, different places and situations that I just have to write about it.  And I guess primarily I am a scriptwriter; I love putting dialog together for those characters in my head, although I am also working on a book. I believe in writing because someone, somewhere maybe is interested in reading my thoughts, the ideas that pop into my head, those ideas that make a good play or TV series or even a film that one day many would enjoy, ideas that come from experiences and observations from my travel, the people I meet and the different situations I find myself in every week. I want to share with everyone my world, the world in my head, the world of a writer.

I don’t know if I am any good at this, but what I know is that I love doing it. I love putting thought to paper and to me that is 90% of the job done. I’ve heard of  “writer’s block” which I guess means you run out of ideas and you inspiration stops. Well not with me! I feel that if I don’t put my ideas on paper my head will explode! And by they way I am a firm believer that writing is not just about using clever words, I don’t have many of those; writing is about painting a picture that your readers will be able to see, and some times the simplest of descriptions can paint a thousand images. If like me, you have a very vivid imagination, you need to give life to some of those stories, characters and situations for everyone else around you to enjoy!

I hope this week’s blog has inspired you to do what you believe in, with determination and passion. Getting half way through my project has not been easy and I know there are twenty-six more blogs to write. I can’t wait to continue brining you more “short bursts” of inspiration, get the rest of the cards out of the pack so you can raise your game!

Week Twenty-five – The Georgian Factor!

Inspiration comes from seeing people love what they do, and when they do it, they do it with Passion!

Dancers from the Nabadi Folk Theatre

 It was a small room, 6 rows of seats and a stage no bigger than your living room. There were more performers than there were audience members, and yet I was deeply moved by an artistic company called the Nabadi Folk Theater, a group of Georgian dancers and musicians bring to live the history of Georgia from Adam and Eve to today, the energy and passion as they danced and performed for a handful of people was electrifying! The previous night I had also been to a similar venue, the Georgian State Pantomime Theatre, a couple of streets away, where I was also witness to one of the most emotional and emotive mime performances I have seen in my life. Again there were more performers than audience members but it made no difference, they drove the passion and art to their captive audience as if we were thousands of people out there, bring tears to some of the audience members as they told the story of St George and the dragon. And what was extraordinary about this experience is not only that these performers were driven by the passion for their art to levels I have not see for a long time, but it didn’t matter where they were or what their performing space looked like, or the fact that there was only a handful of people, they were giving 110% to their art and I was in Georgia, not the one in the US but Eastern Europe!

A couple of years ago I wrote a blog entitled “Armenia has talent” (which you can read here too) and it describes a similar experience to the one I had this week in Georgia. I was privilege to see in Yerevan a group of performers deliver an amazing variety show comparable to any professional production you see in the glitz and glam of the UK/US West End/Broadway shows and far more superior than those pre-fabricated programs such as the X-Factor. So I find myself again writing about talented people and this time with “The Georgian Factor”; it is fantastic to know how much talent you can find in the most unlikely of places. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy as much as everyone else, the elaborate productions in the West End where you can witness some amazing talent too and very creative ideas, backed up by the financial possibilities these companies have, but attending productions like I have this week in theatres no bigger than a two bedroom apartment, remind you of what the performing arts are all about. And perhaps most of us do not spend enough time supporting these amazing companies full of artists who bring to live with their passion and talent incredible experiences beyond any multi-million dollar productions in the big stage. If you are someone who, like me, enjoys a visit to the theatre and occasionally treats yourself to a good West End show, I would encourage you to also look for these hidden gems, these small companies who can move you and inspire you just as much as seeing Mama Mia or Phantom of the Opera. The experience goes beyond the visual element, and their humble surroundings and simple settings bring to life their talent and the magic of theatre. I guess I am fortunate enough that I am also able to experience this in places you wouldn’t imagine finding yourself seeing one of these productions.

As well as being infused by the artistic experience of seeing these two shows, this week I was also reminded of how important it is to be passionate about what you do and who you are. Both performances where very different, one was a Pantomime company representing their story thought movement and rhythm, the other a dance and music assemble telling the history of a country through music and dance, but there was one thing they both had in common; their passion for what they did and the pride of their Culture. Georgia is a nation that is passionate and proud of their heritage, people and history, and although a small country, they are rich in traditions and Culture, as well as a passion for their country. You may argue that this exists everywhere, and that it is not uncommon to find people united by their passion and love for their culture and nation, but trust me when I say that there are few countries I have seen or visited that have “The Georgian Factor”. There is something about their passion, not just for their history and traditions, but also for life. It’s a place where they celebrate everything in life, everything that has made them a grate nation today. The dancers, musicians and performers I saw on stage truly believed and were passionate about the stories they were telling, stories of national pride and great heritage. They believed in what they did not just as a job, but a way of life. The fusion of art and a belief in their country made their performance go further than any experience I’ve had before in a theatre.

And this is something we can all apply in what we do. I have now worked for my company for 23 years, and I truly believe in our company’s culture and heritage. So everything I do, I do it with passion, with conviction and a drive to infuse this belief to others I work with and to those unfamiliar with my company. I also have a passion for my writing, this is my art, and through this I am able to express my desire to share with others my experiences in life. I was asked this week how many people read my blog and my answer was simple; as long as someone out there reads, I will continue to write it. It doesn’t matter if it is to one or one million, I believe in what I do and my passion drives me to continue to put thoughts to words.

I encourage all of you out there to live your life with passion, with conviction and share this with those around you. Share your passion for life because for me the word passion means “pass it on” phonetically written (pas-si-on) - sharing with people what you believe in and drives you to do what you do with excellence. In anything you do, whether you are a performer in a small theatre sharing the history of your country or working in a company delivering great business results and customer satisfaction, remember greatness does not come from altitude but from attitude!

Week Twenty-four – Where did it all go wrong?

Man has been on this earth for thousands of years, and somewhere along the line something changed!

They say that observation is the mother of all skills as you can learn so much from being aware of everything that is around you. This week I saw two situations that made me wonder where did it all go wrong with human beings on this planet. I guess this subject may be deeply philosophical and too long to explore human behaviour in this blog, but I will try and share with you what suddenly stroke me like lighting. All humans live their lives in the following sequence; birth, childhood, teenager, adolescence, adulthood, old age and finally we die. I will begin from the end, which it may seem confusing, but events took place that way.

I was travelling this week by subway in one of the busiest cities in the world, Moscow. Like many underground systems in major cities, especially during rush hour, you have to fight to be able to get onto the train and you are packed like sardines in a metal can. Moscow is no exception and to some extent probably busier than other cities I know. I was travelling with a Russian speaking colleague, and just as well, otherwise I would still be there trying to find my way out! As we stood inside the train, more and more Moscovians boarded eventually getting too packed to move anywhere. A young man got on at one of the stations and he had with him a small scooter, folded, which he kept close to him on the floor by his legs. He has nowhere to go or move and stands, like the rest of us, trying to hold onto anything he can. A man, considerably older than him, stood a few feet away and stared at him intensely. One of my favourite pastimes when I travel and an essential part of my inspiration to write is observing people, so I am usually fully aware of what is happening around me and at this point I already know that something is going to erupt. Within a few seconds of the doors closing and the train moving away from the station, the older man looks at the young guy and start to shout at him. Like the British, the Russians stood there ignoring what was happening and the fact that this man seem extremely agitated and shouting at the young guy. After a few more seconds, he pushed his way through two people in front of him and faced the young man whom by now was trying to avoid eye contact with his aggressor. I am standing right next to them and my heart began to race thinking I may be caught in the middle of a fight! The older guy continued to shout in an agitated manner while the young man, calmly answered him and tried to avoid starting a fight. As we arrived at the station, which seemed to take ages, the doors opened and the grumpy old man pushed his way out of the wagon, disappearing through the crowd mumbling something. Doors closed and we continued our journey. When I asked my colleague what was that all about she confirmed that he was just a grumpy old man who hated young people and was upset that this guy had his scooter on the train. There was no real reason for his reaction and it was hard to understand why would someone behave that way.

I reflected on this experience that night and I began to wonder why would someone react like that, what makes someone become so bitter and twisted, attacking a perfectly innocent stranger on the train. He will probably die like this, angry and unhappy.

Now let me take you to where all begins, when we are born. A day later after the subway experience, I was travelling to the airport on the express train from Moscow. It is a very comfortable service, good and clean trains and it is faster than a taxi in traffic. It’s always fairly busy but nothing like the underground and usually there are plenty of seats for everyone, often with ample room to move about the wagon. Most people using this service are Russians as Foreigners may not be aware of the possibility to travel back and forth to the airport by train. As we set off for the 45-minute journey, a couple sat there with their young child who, like most children, was not able to sit still for more than 2 minutes. So like most parents, to keep him amused, they walked up and down the train while he explored this fascinating new experience. As he walked down the aisle of the train, the 2/3-year-old boy would stop and smile at every person he came in contact with and most passengers would return the smile and a kind word. Upon receipt of a smile from a stranger, the boy would reward his new friend with the cutest laugh you have heard. Repeatedly he visited the strangers on the train to share his smile and laughter, and this kept him, his parents and the rest of us entertained on the long train ride. One of the most contagious things in life is a smile and laughter, and he was spreading joy amongst his fellow human being on the train. As we arrived at the airport he was picked up by his parents and waved goodbye to all those strangers whom he had never seen in his life and probably will never see again but he had touched deeply, in just a few minutes together. I know I will always remember him and his cute laugh; his openess made a great impression on me.

As I boarded the plane and sat waiting to take off, I still had that fantastic image of the young boy walking up and down the aisle giving joy to people and sharing his smile. I reflected on this when suddenly it hit me; I made the connection between the little boy and my experience on the subway the day before. Here there were, two human beings, with age as the only thing that kept them apart, and yet they were so different; I could not help thinking if the bundle of joy that had brighten my journey to the airport would one day turn to be the grumpy old man I saw on the underground. Or was the aggressive old guy a happy young boy once upon a time? Where does it all go wrong? Surely we are all born the same, we all have the same capacity to share a smile and make people laugh, we are all born with the innocence that child had, an innocence that allowed him not to be intimidated by people and bear no prejudice against anyone in that train, he treated each of us the same, and gave everyone a smile, there were no barriers, no differences, it didn’t matter who you were, he was interacting with everyone.

I guess life is too complex to be able to answer the question “where does it go wrong?” We are who we are, very complex beings. May be if everyone was able to keep this innocence we are all born with, there would be no prejudice, no conflict, no hate and the world would be a better place.

Week Twenty-three – Stay Focused and true to yourself!

Life is full of surprises, twists and turns, it is a rollercoaster and we have to hold on or you can fall off and hurt yourself!

Stay Focused and True to yourslef!

 Do you sometimes feel like giving up? Do you occasionally ask yourself why you are doing things? Does it get too much and feel you can’t cope? Is it all worth it?  Everyone, at some point or another, has had these thoughts and feelings about life; it’s a natural reaction and happens to us all. The key to get through this is by staying focused and true to yourself, making sure you hold on to what you have and never give up. It’s not easy and often it can drive people to hitting low points in their lives that we have never imagined, but everyone is strong enough to get through anything in life.

This week a friend of mine shared a personal story that brought home how important it is to stay focused and true to yourself and it inspired me to write this week’s blog. As an aspiring writer and an all rounded person juggling work, family, health and hobbies, I realised how essential it is to stay focused to achieve everything I want in life. In our conversation, my friend shared the resent death of a personal friend, an inspirational character, who throughout his life stayed focused and true to himself, achieving everything he wanted. I read an article about his life and it was evident that everything he had achieved had been through sheer hard work and determination to be the best in his field. From what I could read and what my friend had told me, it hadn’t always been easy and at times he did hit an all time low, but always stayed true to himself, no matter what. This takes character and a passion for life, something we can all learn from.

So what makes people like him stay focused and true to his life even in the face of adversity? I began to think about this as I was running my usual 8 kilometres on the treadmill. As most of you know I have fallen into the habit of running (a good habit I may add) and this has become essential and central to my life; it gives me a good balance and keeps me focused specially after a long and stressful day. On the evening my friend had shared her devastating news, I had finished work and dinner with my colleagues, and went back to my room to do some more e-mails and work before going for my usual run. As I sat in front of my computer, I realised I had forgotten (due to time difference) that I had a conference call I had to attend at 10pm my local time! This immediately broke all my plans and I was now stuck in my room until 11pm. The easiest thing to do in this situation is to say “oh well, that’s that, I won’t run today” finish the call, get ready for bed and watch some TV. But staying focused and true to yourself means you have to do what is right, not what seems the right thing. In this occasion I knew that going to the gym and getting my run in, even if it was a shorter run (may be 4k) was the right thing to do, even though it didn’t seem the right thing (I mean, who goes for a run at 11 o’clock at night right?). So I finished my call, got into my running gear and went to the gym. At 11.15 pm I began my run.

I have gone to the gym with the intention to do a shorter run. As I finished the first kilometre my thoughts were focused on the day and how late it was. I then shifted my mind and began to think about my friend’s story and how inspirational her friend’s life was. As I hit 2 kilometres I was now “in the zone” (if you are not sure what I mean by “in the zone” it’s a state of mind where you are focused on your running and can feel every muscle moving and every breath you take, you are aware of your body working out). I knew at that moment that whatever time it was, it was irrelevant, I was on the treadmill, and needed to think about my running at this point. So I got to kilometre 3 and I was almost half way of my usual run. I run to music and currently I listen to a set of songs by Phil Collins, which are the inspiration to a musical I am writing. The songs are my focus when I run to think of the story line I am writing. Suddenly Kilometre 4 was here, I was now halfway my usual run. Remember at this point I had said to myself I would only do 4 k. As I continued to run and listen to the music I began to think again about my friend’s friend and how important it is to remain focus.

I stopped the treadmill, wiped the sweat of my face and drank water to the sound of my phone’s running app summarising my run; I had completed the 8k, at a good pace and I was ready for more! I didn’t stop and 4, I knew I could do the 8.

I got back to my room and wrote the title of this blog, I now knew what I was going to write about this week. As I laid in bed, falling asleep I realised I didn’t know what time it was, time had become irrelevant at this point, I had accomplished so much; I ran my 8k, continued to develop my story line for the musical and now I had a title and a subject for my blog; who cared at this point what time it was, I was done for the day with amazing achievements that matter (I had also managed to talk to my family via Skype, they are essential to my every day achievements!).

I do want to make it clear that It isn’t always easy, and often life throws things at us that may stops us from staying focused, but as long as we remain true to ourselves, to what we believe in, to our passions, to what makes us tick, getting back on track is simpler and seamless. “Stay Strong” is a slogan I have also shared with you in previous blogs which a dear friend Kenan Topuz uses to stay focus. I learned from him that to achieve you need to stay strong, and to stay strong you need to remain focus. I encourage everyone to keep this in mind, write it down, keep it on the wall, carry it on your wallet, and next time you face a situation where you need to do the right thing, remember these true words, they will give you the strength and focus to be true to yourself.

Week Twenty-two – Dignity and Respect

The infamous Red Gate of Auschwitz 

Let me start with a quote from a leaflet British Airways provided me this week, which triggered me to write this blog (and a complaint letter) - “Excellence in customer care and making you feel good are very important to us” they also have the slogan “to fly, to serve” let me assure you, they do the first, but not the second and certainly they do not care or make you feel good!

As many of you know, I don’t fly British Airways out of principle after they humiliated me and treated me disrespectfully over two years ago, something that should not be done to anyone, let alone your loyal frequent customers! I will spare you the gory details in this blog but let me give you a flavour of what they did to me back then which ties with this week’s experience.

That summer I booked a reward flight in BA with the points I had earned through constantly travelling, taking 130 flights a year and leaving my family behind. Unfortunately that morning I turned up at the wrong airport, it was my mistake and I knew it. However, I needed to get to Spain to collect my family before doing a brutal 2 days driving back to the UK, time was of the essence. I went to the so call Customer Care Centre (yes Care and not Service, isn’t that nice, not sure true…) and I asked to change my ticket to get to Madrid that day. After some clickity click on the keyboard I was told by the “Customer Care Agent” I had to buy a new ticket to the sum of 950 pounds, single and economy! Now, I knew I had to pay something for my mistake but 950 pounds? When I asked why it was so expensive I was told, “it’s because you have a cheap ticket and cannot be changed” Wait a minute! There is a difference between a reward ticket and a low cost ticket (I wouldn’t even call it cheap!) what did she mean by cheap? was she calling me cheap? (You can see how this was going to end badly). Both clickity click Customer Care Lady and Customer Care Supervisor kept on winding me up by continually calling my ticket “cheap” and refusing to help me with anything cheaper than 950 pounds! You know the Little Britain “the computer says no!” sketch? Well this was it! (If you’ve not seen it, click on this link, you’ll know what I’mtalking about http://youtu.be/AJQ3TM-p2QI)

With tears in my eyes and frustrated as they would not help me I said to them “so what am I supposed to do? I’m a loyal customer taking over 130 flights a year, there is nothing you can do?” (I was prepared to pay, but not 950 pounds!) Their reply was nothing short than “that’s your problem sir, you need to pay if you want to travel today” the rest of the story I don’t need to tell you, as at this point they were not ready to help me and leave me in the streets. I remember saying to them as I left that the difference between good customer service and British Airways is that customer service starts with the customer, not your systems and processes.

Since then I rarely fly with British Airways, only out of necessity. And to show you how loyal I was and how important my custom was, two years later I am still Silver level and that is without using them! (They don’t want to see it but this cost them dearly) It seems that every time I get on a BA flight they always managed to do something to upset me, and this week was no exception.

On my way back from a business trip with a colleague we were boarding the BA flight from Warsaw to London and I was stopped and given a new boarding pass with an upgrade to business class. When the flights are full they usually upgrade Silver/Gold customers. As I am still a gentleman I offer my upgrade to my colleague as I felt she would enjoy it after a long week of travelling for which she was grateful. We boarded the plane and settled in. A few moments later she came to me and informed me that she had been asked to take a sit in economy as the ground staff had made a mistake and I should not have been upgraded, but yet the seat I was assigned was empty! You can imagine how embarrassed I was and I immediately went to see the flight supervisor. When I challenged her and told her that this was the most embarrassing situation she could ever put anyone through, all she could say was that it was a mistake and should not have happed.

A mistake? She didn’t seem to understand the embarrassment she had put my colleague and I through and that it is just simply not the way to treat people, especially if you are a frequent loyal customer! Let’s pause here for a moment and remind ourselves of the phrase I saw in their leaflet “Excellence in customer care and making you feel good are very important to us” at this point they have done none of the above, except process us like a number; “you are in the wrong seat, you are going to have to move, you should not be here” (their words to my colleague, not mine!)

What makes this even harder to comprehend is that she knew the seat was not assigned, and there were a couple of empty places in economy; it is not just because you are silver or gold member, this would be embarrassing for anyone and not the way to treat people. So you made a mistake, own it, take it and deal with it without embarrassing the person, remember their words, not mine “customer care… making you feel good…” close the door to the plane, let the person sit there, it’s not going to cost you more and you made someone feel good and that you care.

They kept apologizing because BA is good at that, empty words. They seem to always hide behind the systems or finding someone else to blame, like two years ago, when it was my fault that I have bought a “cheap ticket”! My parting words to them was a reminder that in good customer care you put the customer first (I seem to be telling them this every time I see them!) The old saying “the customer comes first” has not gone away and you must always treat people with respect and dignity, that’s all.

I think the hardest thing in life is to realise that in any given situation you need to treat people they way you would want to be treated. Dignity and respect are two basic principles we should all apply when we deal with people, whether it is in customer service, in relationships, with employees, family and friends or even total strangers.  This week I had the opportunity to re-visit one of the most important places in the world, Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland, where millions of people were executed, where you are reminded of what happens when we don’t put dignity and respect first. I have visited Auschwitz before and it is a place I believe everyone has to visit at least once in his or her lifetime. I am not comparing the treatment BA gave my colleague and I today with what happened to millions of people in Auschwitz, but I can’t help thinking that no matter where you are, no matter who you are and no matter when it happens, people are still not being treated with dignity and respect.  Look at all recent events surrounding us, from the racist comments of the owner of the LA Clippers Basketball team, the recent crisis in Crimea Ukraine to the 300 schoolgirls being kidnapped.  People are being constantly treated without respect or dignity and we have to learn from past events; too many things have happened and continue to happen in the word where basic respect and dignity is ignored.

As for British Airways and their staff, all they have to do is stop and think, not to focus just on the process or system. To stop and think how would they have felt if they were in the customer’s shoe? If we all do it, perhaps one day Dignity and Respect will prevail around the world.

Week twenty-one – don’t just buy me flowers!

If you walk into a room with a bunch of flowers and the person says “why did you buy me flowers, it’s not my birthday!” then you know this blog is for you!

My children call me Scrooge, some say I’m so un-romantic, and you could even call me weird, but I’m one of those people that don’t like to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries and any other type of celebration days we all have in our cultures (you know the ones I mean… Valentine’s Day, Christmas, Mother’s day, etc.) And I don’t like them because of a simple believe… we should celebrate every day!

I didn’t always believe this and like many, when I was young I spent a fair bit of money and time celebrating those once-a-year occasions. You name it and I took part; birthdays, anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, Christmas, until one day I realize there was no real meaning to these days. I guess it became clear to me when I left Mexico at the age of 18 and I no longer had to celebrate or spend my money on any of these “special” days any more; why? Because I was so far away that no one, at least I thought, cared if I celebrated with him or her. But being so far away did remind me of how important it was not to just celebrate with people once a year, but all of the time. My wife will tell you, I don’t take her out for Valentine’s Day, not because I don’t love her but because everyone knows what a rip off it is to celebrate on that day! Not only that, I find it incredible that people wait all 364 days to buy flowers to someone! And of course, they are so expensive, they are mass-produced to meet the demand and they will last only two days. Some people will even go to the extent of buy expensive gifts, which again, you have to spend ridiculous money just to say once a year “I love you”

I was triggered to write this week’s blog on this subject for two reasons. First of all this week in my company we celebrate our employees. We do it every year and it has been a tradition since our company began. The idea, which I think it’s great, is to thank our people for all their hard work and commitment through out the year; this is their week! I have always taken part in these celebrations and have seen some amazing ways to thank employees that week. This is all very well and commendable but what I find extraordinary is that we should not just thank our employees once a year, but every day. This is a bit like the Valentine’s Day, why do we wait the whole year to be reminded to thank someone? Why do we have to wait to be told to celebrate someone or something special? I’m sure you all agreed that thanking someone every day (and meaning it) has more impact than thanking someone once a year with a special celebration and gifts? I am sure those around us would appreciate more a kind world or a loving gesture every day rather than the once-a-year show we put to express our gratitude and love. I’m all for a bit of celebration and recognition, but it has to be part of an on going demonstration of affection and gratitude for someone throughout the year and not just once on a blue moon!

The second reason for writing on this subject was actually triggered by last week’s blog and something that happened to a friend of mine. If you read my blog last week I talked about how #realmenrespectwomen and the fact that they are instrumental to us as human beings (I believe those men who have little respect for women don’t realize they are alive because a woman brought them into this world!) Talking to a friend about this subject she shared a personal experience that happened to her and I was amazed at what she was telling me! She had an incident some time ago for which she needed help and support and naturally she asked her husband, as you would expect. He is a highly paid, high profile executive and told her to get on with it and sort it out, apparently he was “too busy” at that moment to support her in a moment of great need. This is a man who in Valentine’s Day will buy her those flowers, and those expensive gifts. This is a man who on her birthday will spend a fortune buying an expensive gift and taking her out for dinner. This is a man who at some special occasions, when prompted by publicity and popular traditions (and one would say peer pressure!), will take her out for dinner, buy her flowers and pamper her like a Queen. This is a man, who in my opinion, only celebrates when he is reminded of how lucky he is to have someone special in his life, someone who supports him and makes him complete. As she shared this with me I remembered why I don’t just celebrate once a year, but ensure that I give all I can to people every day we are together.

The secrete is not to become Scrooge or go to the extreme and never buy someone a gift or flowers, but to remember that every day is a celebration, that every day is a chance for us to say a kind word, a thank you, to give someone a smile and a “well done” for what they did. Every day that goes by is a chance to make it right, to make it better and to celebrate what we have, then when we come to special occasions such as the day you were born, your wedding day, an anniversary or just simply a highly commercialized national day (Yes, I’m very cynical when it comes to these “special” days!) you can give flowers or a gift, share a kind word or a kiss, shake hands with someone a say thank you, they will know you are not just doing this for that day, but part of every day life.

We should live today like is the last day of our lives, and celebrate all of those “special” occasions today. Why wait for our birthday to remind us, in the words of Elton John “how wonderful life is when you’re in the world” remember yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that’s why is called the present! Give people a present ever day! My blog is my gift to you all today, thank you, like every week, for taking the time to read it and support me.

“I write because someone out there reads”